Sober Turtle Recipes: Your DIY Guide to Toxin-Free Skin, Hair, and Oral Care
Dec 4, 2025
Tired of the cocktails of synthetic chemicals and hormone disruptors listed in fine print on nearly every commercial self care product?? I was, too!
Sober Turtle. A crunchy mom’s response to Drunk Elephant. The year was 2023. With a preteen daughter and her friends drawn in by the hype and synthetic fragrance of Sephora, I was horrified by the ingredient lists on the products that Emma told me were “trending”. This being a trend that I didn’t want her to follow, I tirelessly researched ingredients and protocols, and I began making my own.
…and this is how Sober Turtle was born.
It went a little something like this.
Emma: “Mom, I’m going to Sephora with my friends. Can I please get Drunk Elephant skin serum? It says that it has clean ingredients.”
Me, looking online at the ingredients list, which admittedly wasn’t as bad as many but still was not something that I wanted my sweet daughter smearing on her skin every day: “Synthetic chemical. Possible hormone disruptor. Synthetic chemical…” Nope, sorry girl. Good news! We’re making our own skincare now.”
Turned out that Emma really loved the face wash, tallow balm, and slay serum that I made (so did her friends). One problem. She said that I needed to have a brand. You want Drunk Elephant? I give you Sober Turtle. I didn’t stop with the name, I had to make her want it. An hour later on StickerMule.com and I also had custom labels that would get anyone excited to use what’s inside the jar.
While I admittedly fit the role, I did not self-declare as a crunchy mom. Rather, I was given the title of Crunchy Mom. My daughter and her gang of pals, the “Slay Queens”, gave each of the Slay Queen moms a nickname. I was not surprised when Emma informed me that I had been dubbed “Crunchy Mom”. It’s true. That’s me. I own it. I hope that I was at least considered for “Cool Mom”. Kristen really is a lot cooler than me, so I’m OK with her having that title. I also feel I could have been “Homemade Mom”, but I accept my loss there, too. Monica is the clear winner with her bread, jams, and baked goods. I will say, though, that I’ll let Dana have “Plan Ahead Mom”. She certainly wins, and I don’t even qualify. While professional Mindy is obsessively researched, planned, and executed, the extrovert in me balances that order by totally letting my hair down at home in a fly-by-the-seat-of-our-pants style of personal life;). So I embrace the title of Crunchy Mom. It fits well.
Here it is. The official unofficial recipe book. Sober Turtle: Recipes for Clean Products…from a Crunchy Mom.
With any of the washes, oils, and serums, ALWAYS be sure to shake well before using. Remember. All clean and all natural. No emulsifiers to keep everything a constant, uniform mix.
While everything in there is awesome, I definitely have some favorites.
Tallow Balm
One of my all-stars! I use it daily
Awesome Sauce Face Wash
One of my all-stars! I use it daily
Salt or Sugar Scrub
One of my all-stars! I use it daily
Sunscreen
In the summer, we avoid chemical-filled commercial sunscreen at all costs. Sober Turtle sunscreen is what dreams are made of.
Mouthwash
When I’m in the mood for fresh breath and a pH-balanced mouth, I swish Sober Turtle Mouthwash.
Tallow Balm
One of my all-stars! I use it daily
Awesome Sauce Face Wash
One of my all-stars! I use it daily
Salt or Sugar Scrub
One of my all-stars! I use it daily
Sunscreen
In the summer, we avoid chemical-filled commercial sunscreen at all costs. Sober Turtle sunscreen is what dreams are made of.
Mouthwash
When I’m in the mood for fresh breath and a pH-balanced mouth, I swish Sober Turtle Mouthwash.
What do you need?
- You need glass jars with lids, pump bottles, bottles with dropper lids, etc.
I remove old labels and reuse a number of different glass containers for the stuff we make. I also buy some amber glass pump bottles and jars with lids from Amazon. I always prefer glass over plastic because, well, Crunchy Mom;). Tinted glass helps protect the natural ingredients from the sun to stabilize them.
- You need good quality ingredients.
I won’t go into detail here, but I have a whole section at the end of the recipe book on different carrier oils, essential oils, etc. I like to use organic when I can. I try to buy from reputable sources. When you’re getting beef tallow, be sure to get grassfed. As with any animal products, the fat is where many great nutrients are found (Vitamin A, D, E, K, and so many beneficial fatty acids). HOWEVER, fat is also a storage dump for toxins if animals are eating feed lot diets of genetically modified grains that are bathed in glyphosate.
- You don’t need labels. But it sure is fun to have them.
If you want to make your own, this is the design that I made and order from Sticker Mule Feel free to use it, or make your own. The 3” x 2” sticker works for most things. It’s great. Whatever product I make, I just use a Sharpie and write its name on the bottom of the label.
For the things that I don’t make, here are some brands that I trust:
Toups and Co is a phenomenal company with truly clean products. My family loves their Tallow Deodorant and their Tallow chapstick. Until you’re ready to make your own whipped tallow balm, get theirs- it is amazing!
Formless Beauty is one of the cleanest make-up brands I’ve found. I’m not much of a make-up girl, but for the little that I do wear, I love this brand.
Toothpaste, Mouthwash (if I don’t make it)… Risewell and Bite are a couple of my favorite brands.
As always, I’m not affiliated with any of these brands or companies. I just share what I use and love.
I hope that you find the journey into making your own self-care products as rewarding as I did! ✌️
